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Pizza Hut Picked As Best Pizza Restaurant by San Antonio

San Antonio, Texas: home of the Alamo, of the famous Texas Folklife Festival, and San Pedro Park.  Yet this beautiful city with rich cultural history is apparently totally lacking in pizza taste.

pizzahut-badpizzaA reader’s poll in My San Antonio Magazine listed Pizza Hut as the favorite restaurant in San Antonio. In the Express News (mobile) article detailing the Reader’s Choice winner, Roy Bragg calls Pizza Hut “eternal” and “the nation’s seminal pizza joint.”

I don’t know about you, but this makes me want to test the theory that thinly-sliced pepperoni can be used as ninja throwing stars.

Are these people nuts?  Do they have any idea what pizza is supposed to taste like?  Are they so sold on corporate America’s Big Box Pizza that they truly believe that Pizza Hut is real pizza?

I mean come on, people.  Just because “Pizza” is in the title doesn’t mean that’s what they do!

Listen, San Antonio, I’ve got some news for you: Subway doesn’t make subs, even though it’s in the title.  Matchbox Cars aren’t really cars, even though that’s in the title.  Subway makes SANDWICHES and Matchbox makes TOYS.  Pizza Hut?  They make glorified bread sticks that kind of resemble pizza.

Here’s a litmus test for pizza joints that you can use to ensure that you have likely stepped into a real pizza restaurant.  Assuming you’ve never eaten there before and you walk in the front door, have a look at the menu.

If half the items on the menu are pizza and pizza-related items (sticks, garlic knots, etc.) and most of the other half is beverages: you’re in a pizza joint.

If most of the menu is “salad bars” and “hot wings” and “Tuscani pasta”… you’re not in a pizza restaurant.

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