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Pizza Hut Takes Pizza Out of Their Name

thehut.jpgUPDATE:   Brian Niccol, CMO of Pizza Hut, Inc (via PRNewsire): “Pizza Hut is not changing its name. We are proud of our name and heritage and will continue to be Pizza Hut. We do use ‘The Hut’ in some of our marketing efforts. To the loyal fans of Pizza Hut and pizza lovers around the world, we’re happy to tell you that nothing is changing, we’re still Pizza Hut, America’s Favorite Pizza.”In an act of pure truth and contrition to make up for the blasphemy that was their name, Pizza Hut has removed the inappropriate word “pizza” from their name. We are not sure if this is just damage control, or after all the negative publicity they received they decided to rethink this.

What the restaurant chain formerly named Pizza Hut produced and called “pizza” wasn’t worthy of the name. No wonder they’ve had to supplement their menu with so many other kinds of non-pizza foods to compensate.

Initially, they had to introduce salad bars, hot wings, various types of breads, and more to entice customers into their restaurants. Laughingly, The Hut does not see themselves as a restaurant, but as a “home meal replacement solution.”

Ya, and that checkout clerk at Wal-Mart is a “Sales Associate, First Class.”

Give me a break and stop with the grandiose marketing b.s. and come clean, Hut. You know you don’t serve pizza just like you aren’t a “home meal replacement solution.” You’re a fast food chain with indoor seating.

Of course, to do that would be bad marketing, so they won’t. They’ll continue with their little charade and pretend games and we’ll keep laughing at them. Then they’ll justify their existence by pointing to the local truck stop and saying, “At least we’re not Hot Stuff. Right?”

Oh, wait, I didn’t even get to the best part yet.

The Hut plans to make a big deal out of their “healthy, natural” pizza. Yep, they’ve finally jumped on the late-90’s bandwagon of “healthy, good for you” and are claiming their “all-natural pizza” is made only from natural ingredients.

As opposed to what? Fake tomatoes? Vegetables made from plastic?

I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, folks, but if you go into the back room of any Hut and watch them make what they call pizza, you’ll see this: large cans of tomato paste, pre-chopped vegetables in frozen sacks, and dough mix in a bag.

The Hut would like you to think that they have a team of vegetable choppers, tomato mashers, and wheat grinders back there making you a “natural” pizza with ingredients they got out of their rooftop, organic garden.

Sorry to shatter that illusion, but that’s not how they do it. If they did do it that way (or even marginally close to that way), they would be serving pizza instead of the cardboard with sauce on it they serve now.

Oh, ya, The Hut is also serving pasta now. Yet another alternative to their laughingstock pizza menu.

It’s like they painted a giant target on themselves and just begged me to start throwing rotten fruit at them. This is too easy.

You can follow us on Twitter @worstpizza

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