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Ciro’s Pizza & Italian Restaurant

4 / 8
Swine Flu not included.

Swine Flu not included.

My family is not what you would call foodies by any stretch of the imagination. They are most satisfied with swill such as Papa John’s. So, it was up to me to end the cycle of abuse that the civilized world has ignored for far too long.

Given $25 and the task of bringing tasty pizza back for consumption, I set off on my mission. Like a clandestine agent, I pretended to call Papa John’s to order some of what any reasonable human at The Hague would consider a war crime against humanity. Instead I call Ciro’s in Briar Bay. Seeing as I am feeding philistines, I choose something other than plain cheese so sadly I can not benchmark the baseline pizza from which all other branches and derivatives come from. I ended up with the ham and cheese pizza. In my lack of foresight I forget to ask what type of ham, but I assure you, it was ham.

Right away you could tell it was better than the mass produced stuff you can get at Papa John’s, but that’s not really saying much. The underlying crust was thin, crispy on the bottom with a thin layer of bread like fluff. The sauce is the typical stuff you find in a can most places get from Sysco. The cheese’s flavor was so subtle I could hardly taste it. The slice had a slightly sweet taste to it overall. The crust was crunchy, but not crouton crunchy. Like light toast crunch with the strength of a garlic roll. The kind that demanded effort and muscles working in unison. The perfect analogy of a machine with your arm, hand, neck, cheek and jaw muscles working in sync to tear off a piece of crust off of the main body. Imagine a lion tearing into a zebra here.

After my first slice, I felt like I did due diligence. Now to jazz it up. I went outside and picked a fresh avocado from my backyard and sliced it up nicely. Being the uncivilized barbarian that I am, I just threw it on the pizza. Not bad. But it’s missing something. What could it be?

It makes everything better. Everything.

It makes everything better. Everything.

My old friend from Mexico, Tajin! Oh how I love you. For those of you who have no idea what Tajin is, think of it like Mexican Bacon Salt. It makes everything better. Especially good with watermelon. Consisting of chile peppers, salt, and dehydrated lime juice, this gave the ham and avocado pizza a kick that it sorely needed. But to be fair, ever since I discovered this miracle powder while doing a lap around the Yucatan, nothing has even been the same.

Now the true test of pizza. Reheating it the next morning for breakfast. Everything came out of the toaster oven nicely but the cheese had a different consistency to it. Not in a bad way, but different from the night before. So in the end Ciro’s came out above the mass manufactured pizza but fell short of better places. According to WorstPizza.com‘s scale I would give this 4 slices, the bare minimum needed to be considered fit for human consumption. One time may have been a fluke, let’s hope the second time around they do better.

0-3 slices are places we wouldn’t recommend our readers to try
4-5 slices are places we would like to try again since we deemed them to be average

6-7 slices are places that are fantastic and you should check out
8 slices is a perfect rating and a place you should not avoid

Facts

  • Turn around time for a pickup was 15 minutes.
  • Large pizza is $15.
  • Bacon is not a toping. Clearly a sin against God.
  • Not bad reheated the next morning.

WorstPizza.com is run by Lapp, a mysterious national superstar that can not gain weight even though he eats nothing but pizza. Lapp also runs PizzaTweetup, the first site to hook pizza lovers up on Twitter.

Edwin Garcia is a geek and IT guy looking for work local to Miami. He also writes for his blog at TheRealEdwin.com.

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